Maybe it's just the culmination of a long and exhausting week, but I just need to vent here for a minute. It's been building over the last week or so, but I have just been getting incredibly burnt out and frustrated at my job lately. It's only a serving job--so most definitely not a career path--but I have just been so appalled by the unprofessionalism and just down right laziness in my workplace. Now maybe I have a slight go getter personality and at times I teeter on the verge of workaholic, but I really don't think that it's asking too much for people to do the bare minimum for the requirements of their job. On top of lazy servers our restaurant itself is just not doing very well. Our numbers are bad, I was recently asked to fill out a corporate complaint about a manager, and I even had to confirm complaints about sexual harassment incidents among our staff.
It's really difficult for me to say those things, because I actually really like my job and I really enjoy serving. I also really like the people I work with on a personal level, but in a lot of ways, their professionalism could really be kicked up a notch.
I think the main issue that's been getting to me is that because I'm not the kind of person who can allow myself to cut corners or slack off--people will often times take advantage of me. My restaurant has this "team service" system where they divide up the stations on the floor with two servers sharing one station. So basically you have a "buddy". You're supposed to help them out throughout your shift and then you are supposed to complete your side work together--and at Chili's it's a lot of work because we cut bussers last year....but that's grievance for another time. Lately it's been really frustrating for me because almost every single time I work, my "buddy" will leave and leave me with the majority of the work. Or they will not complete something accurately so I will have to come over and fix it once they are gone. Too many times I find myself still at the restaurant a good hour and a half after my "buddy" has left.
I guess where all of this venting is going is to confess that what lies in the center of all of this is a weakness that I have really been struggling with recently. Well perhaps recently is a terrible word to use. I've always struggled with passiveness. I go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. There have been many times in my life when I have been a flat out doormat. The other week in church we had to fill out cards with something that we struggle with or retreat into in our moments of weakness. Or at least that's how I interpreted it anyway, because I found that God was really bringing that particular weakness to my attention. This is obviously something I struggle with very deeply because upon deeper reflection I find that it is at the root of many of the darker events in my life. It's something I certainly need prayer about and something that I really need to work on. I am happy to report that this last week I mustered up the courage to finally tell my manager about a particular server who was continuously slacking off. It was terrifying and liberating at the same time. still not sure if it will amount to much, but at least it's a step in the right direction. I always worry about people seeing me as overbearing or controlling. And I certainly don't want to come off as arrogant as I tell them how to do their jobs. But this is something I'm going to have to get better at, especially since I was just recently put on the training team at work. Hopefully that step up in authority will give me more confidence to stand up for myself and to crack down on people when they are not doing their jobs. It'll certainly be a struggle, but I will certainly be working on that. So thanks for listening to me vent, I feel much better already!